CHAPTER 1: DANNY AND JOHNNY
“I love you, and you love me,” sang Danny, “let’s tie Mr. Byers to a tree!”
“Haha,” laughed Johnny. “It’s funny because it should be true!”
Danny was a sort of friendly purple dinosaur, but he wasn’t Barney. He was actually cool. Danny lived with his mom, dad, and sixteen older sisters. He was not a lucky dinosaur because his big sisters would always tease him and chase him around. They’d also tackle him, pin him to the ground, and put makeup all over him. Obviously he hated that.
Anyway, Danny was hanging out at his friend’s house, Johnny the Dinosaur. Johnny was green, and he made up really silly stories about other dinosaurs. He was quite the author. Danny and Johnny were playing video games in Johnny’s basement. They were playing Caveman Minecraft on the Xbox 360 B.C.
“Man, I don’t want to go to school tomorrow,” said Danny.
“Don’t I know it,” said Johnny. “Our teacher Mr. Byers is the absolute WORST!”
“He’s such a dorkasaurus,” said Danny.
“Oh, and his jokes!” cried Johnny, “They are so prehistoric!”
“Like the one about the caveman that invented scissors,” said Danny. “He said that it was cutting-age technology.”
“Or about the dinosaur that was in a big accident,” said Johnny. “It was a tyrannosaurus wreck.”
“Boys!” called Mrs. Webster. “It’s time for school!”
“UGGH!” they cried.
Carnage Ridge Elementary School was the only school Johnny and Danny knew about, having gone there since pre-historic-school. Their second grade teacher was Mr. Byers, a brontosaurus with a bad attitude and horrible jokes. They were sitting at their desks in class while Mr. Byers was teaching something mega-boring. Johnny wasn’t listening. He was writing a super silly and slightly inappropriate story instead of paying attention. Danny wasn’t listening. He was drawing super silly and slightly inappropriate pictures. But Mean ole-Bronto-Byers could see EVERYTHING. He might have been only a plant eater, but his neck was really long.
“Danny! Johnny! Come here right now. And bring me your journals.”
Danny and Johnny gulped. Oh, man, were they going to get it now! They both trudged up to their teacher’s desk and handed Mr. Byers their journals.
“Just as I suspected,” said Mr. Byers, studying the journals. “Danny, why did you draw a picture of me crying ‘wah wah’ while sucking my thumb and wearing a diaper? Hmm?”
Danny shrugged his shoulders and pursed his lips. “I don’t know,” he said.
“Oh, and Johnny,” Mr. Byers continued, “why did you write a story about me wearing a dress saying, ‘I’m an ugly girl and a bad teacher?’ Do you have a good excuse for this?”
“I just didn’t know what to do,” said Johnny, “because, frankly, your lessons are really boring.” Mr. Byers’ ears began to steam. “And sometimes you talk a lot. I mean A LOT a lot. Perhaps you should stop talking sometimes. It’s not like anybody’s listening.” If flames could have been shooting out of the top of Mr. Byers’ head it would.
“Shh,” whispered Danny, elbowing Johnny in the side,” you’re not making things any better.”
“That’s it!” yelled Mr. Byers. “Principal’s office. Go…NOW!”